i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
