I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Randomize
