i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
