1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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