the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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