K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
