i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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