You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
