So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
