Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
