i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
