why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
