Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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