handjob tips. give me some.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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