Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
