fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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