Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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