Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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