fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
