me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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