I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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