Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
