And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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