the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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