I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
