I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
