sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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