I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
