We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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