my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
