took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
