i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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