she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
