I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
