Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Is it penis luge time yet?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
