That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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