he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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