on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize