apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
