Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize