I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
