I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize