Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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