I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
