SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
