This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
