do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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