you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
