Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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