At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
