I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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