i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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