and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
vagina is talking i cant
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
