you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
