So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
