You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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