Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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