Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
