Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
