Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
