i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The best revenge is premature balding
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
