Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
