I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
