I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
