You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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