I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
