my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
