Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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