Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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