I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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