I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize