I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
