I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
