Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
