I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
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