Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
