A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
