I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
