I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
