there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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