Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the liver wants what the liver wants
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
