how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
