She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's always time for handjobs
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
