Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
