I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
