Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
