chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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