): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
