dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
