so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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