scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
