I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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