She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
