I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize