I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
