So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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