he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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