Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
