Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
