my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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