if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
