Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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